"Don’t settle."
I wished she had told me this years ago. Haha. But the thing is, at that time, I refused to think I was settling. But I like to think that I was just trying to hang onto the idea of being high school sweethearts. I’m not really scared of settling, I’m more scared of never being able to settle.
Giving someone the ability to hurt you and trusting them not to is a tremendous step.

It’s funny that she asked me for my opinion..
I looked over at my best friend and saw exactly what I saw in myself..
A woman who could do so much in this world if she remained independent but also a lady who would be filled with joy at just being a stay at home mother.

I used to think that we had to make a choice, but time has showed me that if we chose the right partner we could easily have both. I just didn’t have the heart to tell her. Not like she would have listened anyways.

Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.
Shannon L. Alder (via kushandwizdom)

Why I want to be a doctor..
I honestly still really struggle to form the perfect answer. Fundamentally I hope we all strive to be doctors because we care for our patients. In addition to my curiosity for medicine and the human body, the only reason why I keep on striving is for the patients. Being humbled with their stories and being able to give my 2 cents in their stories, whether it be a sentence or a chapter. In my opinion medicine is the perfect balance of art and science.

Disappointed. In myself. For not being able to just enjoy it. For wanting more than I’m given. For not being able to give and love with all my heart and not expect anything in return. Is it really a lot to expect when all you need is a reminder that you’re the first and last thought? The power of How are you? How was your day? It feels like it’s been a really long time since I’ve been let down. I think the worse thing about wanting to fall in love a second time is that you’re constantly comparing the bad and good moments. Is it worth it to stick around for the good moments? Do I deserve more? Better? 

Angry. I’ve tried my best to suppress this feeling since the day I got the phone call at work. The one word that makes everyone’s world crumple. Cancer. But I’m mad. I’m mad because I don’t understand. I don’t understand why bad things happen to good people. No one is perfect. I know she holds a huge grudge for being wronged by her own family. All I know is behind that smile and laughter is a huge heart. The reason for who I am, where I’ve learned to give, is from her. I’ve seen her hurt before and I would do absolutely anything to never see it again. I would take her place anytime, any day.

This past year I feel like I’ve been constantly wanting to run away from my problems. Whether it be a mini getaway or just a drive. Sometimes it will temporarily allow me to feel better. But I’ve got to wondering. Maybe this pressure on my chest and on my shoulders won’t ever go away. Maybe it’s just about time for me to be an adult and accept my responsibilities, regardless of if I’m ready to take them on or not. 

The CCA is such a unique organization. I am so thankful that one of my besties introduced me to the group. Tonight they held a gala. At first I didn’t know what to expect but there were so many people, so many costumes, so much spirit, so much joy. It felt good to be a part of and witness such kindness. 

This is an organization I hope to always be a part of. 

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