Idk, there are just days that feel like that time dragged on forever at work. And all I want to do at the end of those days is talk to no one and just unwind with a funny episode of some tv show. But I should have been excited about seeing him. I was. I just wasn’t in the mood to entertain. I couldn’t take the jokes. I almost hung up the phone when he challenged me today. “I know you wouldn’t dare hang up the phone.” But a part of me thought of how much I really wanted to hang up and not give a damn. Even when I walked in the door and he continued to joke I couldn’t help but think gosh, this is too much for me to handle lol. He kept on pushing “what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” And I finally snapped back “well you keep on asking when I say nothing.” All I needed was a damn hug and silence. Lol

It was simple. We attempted to carve our first pumpkin together while listening to thriller. We were able to get the top off when we realized how many bugs were inside…so much for that. Hahah. Just my luck. Cookie dough and pizza for dinner while watching netflix. He pulled me close, kissed me and told me he had missed me. I couldn’t have asked for anything else. I’m actually really excited for the holidays! He brought up peacock lane, zoo lights and the lights at PIR. Gotta say…it made me kinda excited too. :)

It makes me blush everytime I confirm that I’m no longer single. Not because I’m afraid of people knowing but I think I’m still kinda cautious. I don’t want everyone to know and then having to explain if things go haywire the next time we see each other. But it was a nice feeling to admit how happy he makes me. :)

Yeah, I should have expected this day to come. Where her family blames me for not telling them sooner about her diagnosis. But what would you have done in my shoes when your parents specifically asked you not to say anything? And I hate that they’re trying to teach me how to take care of her and that this is serious. Yes, thank you I am fully aware of that.
I get it. In the end we are family. But it’s not that simple. We’re not a traditional family where everyone feels like they’re loved and cared for. My main priorities are my parents. If you have a problem with that then hey, I’m not afraid to shut you guys out either. You guys may have great intentions but if my parents take it the wrong way and get upset, I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m tired of being your middleman.

I couldn’t be more thankful for such a supportive network. They had no clue what it meant to hear that they liked my personal statement or that I seemed personable and charming. And it felt good to have an outside person believe you’re going to be successful because it’s been a long road of self-doubts.

I guess it never really crossed my mind how long it’s been since I’ve introduced anyone I’ve dated to my best friends. I’ve always shared my experiences with my besties but it still felt like my own little secret in a sense. So it was a big deal to finally have my worlds collide. But it felt good. I do hope it continues for a while but I won’t worry about that, we will just cherish the current moments.

We’re all busy but how much of an effort are you willing to put in to show people you love that you haven’t forgotten about them?

I guess I’m just scared of looking back and regretting that I got too busy that I missed something big like my parents growing old or my cousins growing up. I want to be there for the big things and as much of the little things as possible.

You know, no matter how much I try to put myself in your shoes I’m finding it more and more difficult to remain friends. It’s even hard for me to call you one of my best friends when I don’t even believe it anymore. My parents know and mention my best friends a lot and it stings when they bring your name up because I don’t want to say anything. They absolutely adore you and yeah, I agree what is there not to adore.

But as much as I try to push it under the rug I still think of those days where you didn’t have my back. And now, well you just seem too busy to care.

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